S'no joke

I have steadfastly resisted the temptation to chortle over the tizzy much of the East Coast has been thrown into by the recent blizzards. (Amateurs.)

I mean, what good would it do to gloat as I watch the videos from Washington -- the stranded motorists, the shuttered government buildings, the weary Washingtonians shoveling snow? (Cry-babies.)

Here in the frozen north we laugh at snowstorms that dump a measly foot of snow on us. Hah! we say, as we glide down the road in our 4-wheel-drives or crank up our snowblowers. We are made of sterner stuff, we who know what it is to go months without seeing a blade of grass. (Softies.)

It would be rude -- nay, heartless -- to scoff at the mess these winter neophytes are contending with, even as we dust off the latest 6 inches of snow to grace our neck of the woods. No, these victims of what has been dubbed "snowmageddon" need our understanding, our patience, our compassion ...

(Aw, suck it up.)